Comfort and joy

I just finished The Fault in Our Stars and really liked it even though I managed not to actually cry - probably due to not reading it in long enough sections. But it did make my heart hurt a little to think of what it could be like someday to lose Jason. I too would want so badly just to call him, to talk to hum, to remember things with him. 

Anyway. I've had an issue that has bothered me for a long time every time I think about it, and it's kept me awake at night and depressed me many a time. I was getting worked up about it again this afternoon and then I realized -- what am I thinking? It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks; I do have this finally mostly squared away now and i can rest in confidence that it's the right thing, whether anyone else knows and is affirming me or not. It's as if God told me to stop worrying about this now and look around and let it go. Nothing like that should be keeping me from wholehearted enjoyment of my babies or from delighting in the sunshine or noticing all the good good things in my life. And it's been a much happier and more peaceful afternoon since I did just that, let it go and start thinking about things that are a bit more glorious.