I feel like most of my posts lately have been downers, which doesn't accurately display my life. It's just there's not time for me to do much besides eat and sleep and change diapers and so on. And it is hard, but about 75% of the time i'm ok with the fact that i can't seem to get "anything" done. I do have freak out moments, as Jason could attest to, but in the last month or so i've become pretty resigned to the fact that just taking care of one tiny person and growing another really is a handful for me. Maybe i'm not doing much "creative" - except thinking of new things for Kaylen to play with...particularly kitchen utensils - but as i was snuggling up to Kaylen during naptime this afternoon, i thought how very thankful i am to be here with her. I feel like Jason especially is making lots of sacrifices for me to be home with her, and i appreciate it so much. Maybe i AM a complete, utter failure at keeping a nice house while doing that, but this is my life, not someone else's, and i don't need to compare.
Speaking of nice house, Jason got me the very most awesome Christmas gift ever: a deep-clean of the whole house! I cried when i realized what it was, and cried even harder as he told me everything he asked them to clean for me. Because it is just. so. awesome. (Also hormones make me cry like a crazy person.) So that's something to really look forward to. And good incentive to de-clutter a bit.
Before i doze off now, i should just add that, when not feeling nauseated to the point where everything sounds gross, i still like cooking. And maybe this weekend i'll even make this cake, because it sounds amazing. But if not, i should be ok with that.
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