April 6th

I had an easy labor for a first child, apparently. I'm really thankful for that, as being at the hospital for eight hours really seemed long enough. I went to the doctor at 11am on Thursday because I'd started bleeding a little and having back pain, and she told me I was in pre-labor and 4-5 cm dilated. I had contractions all afternoon, starting about half an hour apart. We ate dinner like normal and then Jason started timing my contractions for me. By about seven, he said, "You know those were only like two and a half minutes apart, right?" I pretty much dived out of bed and said we needed to go to the hospital right away then. As it turned out, it wasn't quite so urgent since they slowed down after that. Still, they admitted me to the hospital and said it was worth sticking around there because my labor was definitely progressing.

We walked around the labor & delivery floor for a while (very slowly) with our moms walking along behind. It felt kind of like a party, the way they were so excited and, I must admit, giggling. Then the nurse wanted to monitor the baby for a little while, as her heartrate dropped during my biggest contractions, so I lay in bed for a while. Around midnight (?) the doctor broke my water - it came as a surprise that he wanted to, but then I looked at the clock and realized we'd been there a while. After that I got in the jacuzzi, which I'd heard helped a lot with reducing pain. Ha. Maybe it did, but the contractions were much stronger by then so it felt worse. Jason held my hand and kept feeding me Life Savers until finally the twenty minutes with the jets on ended and I could get out. It's weird that's the part that seemed longest to me.

After that contractions just kept getting worse. I spent a lot of time standing next to the bed, holding on to Jason with a death grip. He really is awesome. I was in kind of a daze - or maybe not daze, but "in the zone" - and really only concentrated on me, Jason, and getting through the contractions. Everything else was just faint in the background. The nurse told me to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth, but that was a little complicated by the fact that I had a cold, so my "contraction breathing" was not quite by the book.

The only time I really freaked out was when Jason was across the room when one contraction hit. I turned and looked for him with what now I think is probably exactly the same look Kaylen gets when she's hungry and can't find me fast enough.

After a while it did get to a point where the combination of pain and pressure that made me feel like pushing got to be too much. It was too late for an epidural by then (fortunately, as it turns out), but the nurse gave me a shot of something via IV and it took the edge off a little. A while after that i said I was ready to try pushing, so the doctor came in and they got everything ready.

The doctor wasn't the OB-GYN I'd been seeing for my checkups, but he turned out to be a great doctor. Perfectly calm and matter-of-fact, but with a sense of humor. And he got that kid out! Which turned out to be harder than I'd expected.

Fortunately, I had a good team! My mom on one side, Jason on the other, Rita feeding me ice chips in between contractions/attempting to push, and the nurse coaching me. (I really had a great doctor and nurse!) It still took an hour. I felt pretty confident at first, but time kept going by with no success. I can't count how many times they said "Oh, there's her head! Keep pushing." Everything I'd read said not to push too hard, but try to ease the baby out in order to avoid tearing. That seemed pretty much impossible, though. It got to a point where I thought her head was going to be stuck halfway inside me forever if I didn't give it all I had. No more waiting for contractions - I just pushed with everything I had. And did it again. And again. And maybe again. It was a horrible burning sensation, but everyone was talking and that was enough encouragement to keep going. (I actually pushed so hard I burst a blood vessel in my right eye, but I didn't find that out till the next day.)

I can't remember how it felt when her head popped through finally - probably horrible - but I do remember the funny kicking, slithering sensation I knew was her legs. Then I finally looked (I'd had my eyes closed) and there was an oddly gray-colored baby that just looked like all limbs to me. Jason cut her umbilical cord and they put her on my chest not long afterward. She was wailing her head off while I said sweet nothings to her to try to calm her.

I'd heard you don't notice anything else when you hold your baby for the first time, but I definitely felt the doctor stitching me up. It's never encouraging to hear "I'm just piecing you back together," although I think that's exactly what he did. I don't know how bad I tore, but it seems to have been everywhere. The fun ain't over when labor is over.

But we had a baby girl. And although I totally forgot about showing the nurse and doctor my birth plan, it went really well. I'm not opposed to epidurals at all, but I wanted to avoid one for a few reasons, and all those were fulfilled. I was able to labor in whatever position was most comfortable (which was mostly standing up and holding on to Jason, not lying in bed), I wanted to be able to feel what I was doing when I pushed in order to help avoid a c-section (which the doctor said I would probably have had otherwise), and I wanted to be able to hold Kaylen right away. So although it was painful, it was well worth it for me with this labor. But we'll see how it goes next time.

And Jason - I couldn't have asked for anyone better and I can't imagine trying to get through that without him. And now we have a daughter together. I didn't sleep at all that night. I was far too amped up and didn't want to miss a second of holding her.

And check out that amazing sticking-up hair.