Papermade

My sister Rachel and I started an etsy shop last month and even though our start has been slow, our excitement at selling one item was the sort that could have had champagne corks popping. I do hope things do actually start selling in the new year, because otherwise it's a little hard to justify the time spent on making things, but I reallyreally like doing this! And so, before i try to diminish a bit of the pile of laundry in my room before bed, i neeeeeeed to try out this etsy widget. ;)

Collages by Ray; repuposed book journals by me:

Random photos by Kaylen

This actually captures our lives pretty well....

We had cinnamon rolls with sprinkles for dinner. (Maybe eggs and sausage, too.)

Nativity

I was just thinking of this poem by John Donne ("immensity cloistered in thy womb" is a hard line to forget, apparently, even when I can hardly remember what names to call my kids...Penny! I mean Kaylen.):

NATIVITY

Immensity cloistered in thy dear womb,

Now leaves his welbelov'd imprisonment,

There he hath made himself to his intent

Weak enough, now into our world to come;

But Oh, for thee, for him, hath th'Inne no roome?

Yet lay him in this stall, and from the Orient,

Stars, and wisemen will travel to prevent

Th'effect of Herod's jealous general doom;

Seest thou, my Soul, with thy faith's eyes, how he

Which fills all place, yet none holds him, doth lie?

Was not his pity towards thee wondrous high,

That would have need to be pitied by thee?

Kiss him, and with him into Egypt goe,

With his kind mother, who partakes thy woe.

Things that help

I realize my blog lately could really be called No Time for Therapy So You Get to Hear About It All. I also have a very hard time finding time for self-care, so now you also get my advice to myself about ways to battle depression when you ain't got time for that. (Please feel free to share suggestions, too!)

1. Snuggles. I actually never realized how much good I get from physical contact until i got married. Ironically, Penny is the only one who can be counted on to be cuddly also. But Kaylen will let me snuggle up next to her as long as i DO NOT put my arm around her.... (Sometimes on bad days I can't stand being touched, so obviously this doesn't always work.)

2. Movies in Bed. Or usually more like PBS Kids shows. I realize I am the only adult in the world who will say this, but even Caillou can be relaxing. When I'm too tired to do anything else, there's always watching TV with the kids all in my bed. We're together and there is zero stress. Or close to it. 

3. Psalms Out Loud. Reading the Psalms is always good, but listening to them is even better. There have been many times I feel smashed to bits and able to do nothing but cry out "Jesus!", but then I start listening to whoever reads The Message (or NIV) on my Bible App, and peace floods my soul AND body. They tell me I'm not alone in my suffering. They tell me I have an unshakeable rock to be hidden by. It's a love song from a God who is so magestic that it kind of blows my mind.

Songs. Again with the psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. The old hymns that I know the words to without having to think about it. But also other songs I love. U2 is almost guaranteed to turn things around. 

Going Outside. I've been forcing myself to try to go outside more with the girls when Lincoln is napping in the afternoon. Even when it's windy and cloudy and i'm out for five minutes, it does me good. Let the cold wind blow it all away. 

Friendship. It means the world when someone says they're thinking of me, especially because it's an often overwhelming struggle for me to actually get out of the house and go anywhere with the kids or participate in something, so I'm basically a terrible friend to have.  Thanks for being patient with me, and still being kind to me!

Bonus: Make Something. Sometimes it's worth waiting on the dishes so I can mix up something super easy or take time to fix something small or rearrange the living room. It feels like a much more *fun* accomplishment than changing that fifth poopy diaper of the day, even the diaper-changing is more important. 

There's an acronym for that

Or maybe the title of this should be TMI. (Forewarning you.)

I miss the days of just having depression and a little ol' PMS-ing at that time of the month. Now a week or so before the "normal" fun starts, my depression ramps up to roughly fifty times worse. Okay, maybe only like three times. It's hard to tell the difference. Pre-menstrual dysmorphic disorder (PMDD) is something I had been blissfully ignorant of until a few months ago. Even knowing it's coming and trying to prepare doesn't do that much to alleviate the symptoms, although certainly it's better than nothing. I'm realizing I NEED help on the worst of those days, because it's really that awful. And unfortunately, my doctor and I both agree that using hormonal birth control isn't a good option due to how badly that has screwed with me in the past, so there aren't that many medical options. 

I'm sharing this because I need help. If I had some other terrible disease, I'd be asking for prayer for healing. But this IS a terrible disease, so I'm asking for your prayers on my behalf. I would really enjoy returning to just regular depression and PMS symptoms now. :p Thanks!

Bravissimo!

"Applaud God, all people," says Psalm 117. And it strikes me that if we give standing ovations at a show (Montanans are prone to that, which i like), openly applauding God's goodness in our lives is not a bad idea, either! Neither is shouting for joy nor dancing -- as I have told my loves-to-dance oldest kiddo more than once, David danced before the Lord and that was a good thing. 

This is coming off a week of very, very nearly unbearable depression, but after a leisurely (and warm and sunny!) afternoon and eating a whole bunch of homemade fries and drinking my favorite jasmine-infused IPA, I'm rejoicing to be seeing God's goodness again in the land of the living. Hallelujah!

***

Also, Lincoln really likes fries. He was not happy till we started sharing generously with him. 

Gender issues OR tomboys are still girls

I realized today that in spite of our LGBT(Q)-affirmative society, we still are categorizing interests and activities and "what defines our gender" almost completely by gender stereotypes. This isn't tongue-in-cheek, so bear with me while i try to explain my ever-jumbled thoughts. :) 

This came to me because of Penny, my two-year-old. Penny is going to be an amazing person someday/IS an amazing person today. She loves to dress up as Elsa, and frilly pink skirts and bling-covered shoes delight her heart. But she also is rough and tumble and interested in mechanical things and, although i know forget the perfect example i saw of this this morning, she likes a lot of what are generally stereotypes as "boy" pursuits. (And to really get into things, Kaylen wears boys' boxer briefs because she H.A.T.E.S the way panties feel.) But do i feel any concern that they're going to grow up hating their gender? No! I am ready to affirm them both in their female-ness and in the things they love to do, and I will tell them not to give up if they choose work that not many women do. Women didn't used to be doctors, either. That doesn't mean Elizabeth Blackwell had the slightest bit of confusion about or distaste for her gender. 

The world isn't somehow braver and better now, though. We still have gender role stereotypes, but we try to twist our sexuality to match them. That little girl loves to climb everything and wants to be a train engineer? Time to start calling her Robert...or maybe just a lesbian. That little boy is interested in babies? Time to rename him Marsha and get him gender reassignment surgery. This seems like the ultimate in gender sterotypes to me. 

So Penny, Kaylen, and Link -- please, do those things that God has given you a deep, good love for. Feel free to smash through people's stereotypes while you're at it. God made you for HIS delight, not theirs.